Life is not just about the race

Just want to pen down this to remember how happy I feel today:) I used to be super scared, and would 露出 my nervousness when talking in front of so many people. Surprsingly, I found myself pretty collected and my heart wasn't thumping fast when conducting lessons with 5 classes of students (and with other teachers around) this morning! I still feel quite unbelievable that I did it, but have a great sense of satisfaction somehow:) Perhaps, this means that I have stepped out of my comfort zone? Or is it just nice that I was comfortable talking to this group of students? Or it because of the yoga which I did ytd night at home which make me feel collected for this morning lecture? Whatever it is, I hope I did 'level up' instead of 'tyco' haha. 再接再厉，  moOn!:)💪

I don't know what got over me that I felt pretty negative these few days. Many things happened consecutively, and I am overwhlemed and discouraged. No one can really understand the internal struggle, including myself too. What am I good in? I am jack in all trades, but master of none. I have been trying to find my own 'identity' and when I thought I did, I actually didnt. I feel lousy not being proficient in any specific area. I honestly think that way. What am I good in? Can I be tougher than this?

2014 年毕业至今, 工作了几乎两年半。 虽然别人以为自己是中学/ JC/大学生， 可是自己知道已经老了, in mid- twenties。  Facebook 一直都会 share一些 posts, 例如: Things to do in twenties, Things to maintain healthy relationship etc. etc. 自己看看而已， 但也会想我有做到这些吗。  时不时会突然觉得自己的生活没有充足感。 虽然亲情， 友情，爱情 , 工作样样有, 但是总是觉得少了些什么。 身为家人的女儿 & 妹妹, 我觉得我对家人多了些关心，会特地 organise dinner on special occasions. 我感到满意， 但觉得我可以做更多，尤其是帮妈妈。要帮忙做家务，总是力不从心 =X  身为朋友的朋友,  我觉得对他们的关心不必以前多， 有时感觉有点愧疚。有试着去多和他们一起说说话，吃一顿简单的晚餐。希望他们过得很好。 身为女朋友, 有时觉得做的不称职。在一起4年多，不知道是因为更了解对方， 更爱对方，所以会想要他尝试改变更好。听到妈妈说原来表姐们都有对象， 其中一个甚至在申请屋子，我替他们感到高兴。 但是， 又听到妈妈所如果他们拿到房子， 其他人， 尤其是爸爸会对我碎碎念， 我心里感到不舒服。 拿房子觉得有点 scary，要等4－5 年， 所以要早申请，但是因为这样所以快快了事，然后 propose， 我心里有点不舒服。我总觉得 'it's not the right natural way'，可是不这么做以后要等很久，甚至还需要花更多钱。 工作方面 , 总觉得自己 understretch。 但是以学校的 culture & pattern, 如果 heads 知道了, 就有很多 shit 飞过来。我怀念在 HIHS 的 practicum , 虽然很challenging， 可是生活过得非常充实。我, 想要勇敢一点单飞 xD  我的人生还在调整, 但很庆幸自己时不时 auto 做一下 person...