Just how much more can I hang in there? Internal motivation is draining :S What will it become if one day, I just totally give up on trying bcoz I am really drained by the responsibility that I am carrying?

But deep inside me, I know that I won't give up; I would like to prove to myself that I can do it, as long as it's within my own means. Even if it's not within my own means, I will give my best bcoz as long as I try, there will not be much regret.

Back again, how come such a positive thought comes and goes when I am handling these stuff? Then, I begin to wonder why I agree to take up such a position, why I am working so hard for? I guess, to seriously say, I took on the position is more towards bcoz there are no other available choice to choose from. Perhaps, that's why I always got to struggle with that little devil in my head when things went wrong etc. Maybe my heart of being a C/H is just not totally there, yet. I am just merely trying to fulfill my task and responiblity, while wishing that I could just be myself to mingle around with the teens. If my heart is really there, I think I will not be having such very negative thought now, isn't it?

And, I feel that I have become more dao especially when I am in my own school :O Oh gosh, what is happening to me?:S I just dont feel like myself when I am in school. I am v.quiet which I dont think I am :O Is this how I am going to spend my remaining 2 years there? Not a good sign.

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