Bleak future (Not?)

It has been over a year in this school, and I have many wavering thoughts once in awhile when days get abit too extreme..either too crazy or too chill. 

There is a love-hate relationship between me and this school, I really like the "chill" teaching environment, yet I find it not as "challenging" and I appear to be too insignificant as compared to other teachers. In contrast to this school, teaching life in HIHS was an exciting journey, filled with laughter, anger, disappointment and faith. Although the students were more difficult to handle, I felt that I am more "alive" although I am physically and mentally strained. Yet, the rewarding outcome was a better TSR and genuine appreciation from these students. On the other hand, teaching in the current school is like "day-by-day" passing although I have attempted to make lessons more interesting and engaging. 

Due to the subject that I am teaching, I seem to appear insignificant, and oh man, the idea of going on the same path as Mrs Foong in the future made me feel even sian. Am I going to follow her footstep? Where do I start changing from? Which opportunities can I tap from? Where do I start improving myself from? These thoughts came about when I was walking home with Shun Ru, as she shared with me her future plan. I really admired her, her deep insights and variety of knowledge and skills. What do I have? I only have a degree in BSc (education). I used to go to TEC and ALL, but all these are no more. What do I have? Should I go for further studies?  Because seriously I think my knowledge and skills about food science is not deep enough as compared to my other NIE friends from poly (Yes, I felt that I didnt learn that much from what I think university should have taught me). 

Even if I do not want to stay on in teaching, I am wondering what I can do with just a degree with limited food science knowledge and skills. I guess, what my father said is true. I need to start looking up and attending courses after spending a year adapting the life as a teacher (but I did not have the authentic teaching life as yet- only 10 weeks lessons with every class, no marking except for tests, graded practical and DT assignment) I felt that I have lived my life too briskly, when other teachers out there are slogging hard in school MOST of the time. 

Hmm..I really need to buck up and not keep sitting inside my comfort zone. My bleak future will really come true if I choose to continue spending my days like what I am doing now. 

Ahh, mcnugget don't 自甘堕落, start doing something! Actions, not words!

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