Live as if I were to die tomorrow.

"What if I were to die tomorrow?"

I suddenly have such thought probably because I have the whole of June Holiday to think through about my life thus far and I finally have the freedom to decide on my future (work) life. You may be thinking of why I am thinking negatively, but I thought that it is a question that is so real.  As I was pondering over this question, I am thinking about how the death will affect myself or the people around me.

Well, life continues and the earth will still keep turning.  In terms of work, I realised that no one is irreplaceable, and there will always be that "other one" who will keep it going. I have suddenly seen this clearly after 6 months when Miss Sim is no longer around in school. And so, I will not be that silly anymore to slog my heart out over work, and will show more self-care to myself.

As for family, I hope that my death wont inconvenient them. I suddenly realised that I have too many things at home and I do not wish to let them have the hard time clearing my stuff  when I am no longer around. And so, I started packing my boxes and telling myself to just throw as much as possible because all these things 生不带来，死不带去. The only things that we bring with us are memories. When I was looking at the many cards and presents which I kept, many old fond memories came back my mind. Indeed, all I can bring away is only memories (good and bad).

At the same time, I hope that my family will be well when I am not around. Thus, I decided to help my brother because I feel kinda emotional when I always see him coming home feeling tired and dejected. There and then, I pushed him out of his comfort zone to take that step to try to resolve the problem and even got myself involved to help with the situation. However, it was like opening a Pandora box and things are getting a little more tricky. Although my family has become more bonded while going through the drama, I hope that my decision to start is the right way to go. Because right now, I am feeling stressed that I have caused more problem rather than helping to get closer to resolution. I really do not know how this drama will unfold or end, but I hope that things will get better as the times goes. Hopefully, all of us will be able to learn how to 拿得起，放得下。



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