Thoughts within.
Thoughts #1
As English is more commonly used in today's context, I know I need to overcome my obstacle and fear for it. This would be especially so as I would be a teacher in near future. Since young, I am not a very English language person. I would always fail to articulate well in this langauge when there are alot of people and when there are other people who have better English command than me present.
Gradually, I feel a sense of inferiority when I speak to people in English. In secondary school, if not for my hardwork and help given by my teacher, my English would cmi. In JC, English got harder and my GP grade was near a fail grade. Since then, I was thinking, if I have gotten a better grade for that language (as well as for maths and econs), would I be entering another course in university. I felt inferior once again when I needed to take the EPT test before I go into NIE. Such thought was the strongest when I got lost while on my way there, an area where I never gone to and that if my English was not that cui, i would not even go there. Finally I entered into NIE, I was faced with all English-speaking people, unlike at NYJC where most people are Chinese-speaking majority. At that point of time, I knew I have to improve.
For the past 2 years or so in NIE, I had been moulded into a more English-speaking person. Even my friends who know me since sec sch were kinda shocked that I used English more frequently now. However, I have not gotten my fear towards such langauge. Although I have thoughts which I could share with, I tend to brush it off bcoz I thought I couldn't convey it well enough and the others will not understand what I am talking. And so, I naturally dun like to communicate much with most NIE ppl (I know I should open up) nor talk during discussion activity in class.
Last Tuesday, such issue strikes me hard that I couldn't withhold my tears in front of my prof. My prof was actually a nice, inspiring and of course, articulate person. I am really inspired by her words about being a FCS teacher. I want to be like her, to be a motivating teacher to students. But I know I need a long time to do so. She will drill us (btw there are only 2 students including me) hard during lesson, wanting us to come up with ideas and stuff. That day, my friend was sick and so we had our 1-1 tuition (again). Although it would be nice to have prof for myself, I feel pressurized becoz I do not know how to present my ideas in proper English. But I know I need to try. At a point of time when my teacher was getting too "excited" that it seemed to scold me, I couldn't withold and started to tear.
My prof was shocked but after that she attempted to talk to me. Although after that things seem to return back to normal after I shared with her my stress that I was experiencing that causing that, I knew this is not the main reason.
I know I got to try, harder, till I overcome this completely.
Thoughts #2
It has been a great 9 months in a relationship, feeling constanly loved by him and loving him back =) Things become a little different, and the things I do tend to change to a certain extent too. Based on other experiences, I had been telling myself that I should learn how to balance between relationship, friendship and kinship. I used to be a very "friend" friend person (exp again) as I always hang out with friends and would always be nagged by my parents for coming back home late.
Now, even though I am not meeting my friends as frequently, I would try to keep in constant contact with friends and show little care to them (and that's why I would want to go for ytd's GISFestival to support my friends :)) Also, I begin to care more for my family by communicating them more (after I realise that I took family for granted most of the time as I tend to think that they will always be there for me).
However, as things are getting busier, it had been more difficult for me to find the suitable period of time alone to think about things (people, dogs @ ALL) which i neglect unintentionally. Nevertheless, I would find even the slightest time (like now) to do so bcoz I believe this will make me return to relationships and look at things in a more positive mindset, feeling refreshed =)
As the 2nd part of the semester continues, I would continue to remain optimistic and look things in different perspectives. I would not only just work hard blindly (my usual style), but to also work smart =) Hopefully, positive results can be seen=))
As English is more commonly used in today's context, I know I need to overcome my obstacle and fear for it. This would be especially so as I would be a teacher in near future. Since young, I am not a very English language person. I would always fail to articulate well in this langauge when there are alot of people and when there are other people who have better English command than me present.
Gradually, I feel a sense of inferiority when I speak to people in English. In secondary school, if not for my hardwork and help given by my teacher, my English would cmi. In JC, English got harder and my GP grade was near a fail grade. Since then, I was thinking, if I have gotten a better grade for that language (as well as for maths and econs), would I be entering another course in university. I felt inferior once again when I needed to take the EPT test before I go into NIE. Such thought was the strongest when I got lost while on my way there, an area where I never gone to and that if my English was not that cui, i would not even go there. Finally I entered into NIE, I was faced with all English-speaking people, unlike at NYJC where most people are Chinese-speaking majority. At that point of time, I knew I have to improve.
For the past 2 years or so in NIE, I had been moulded into a more English-speaking person. Even my friends who know me since sec sch were kinda shocked that I used English more frequently now. However, I have not gotten my fear towards such langauge. Although I have thoughts which I could share with, I tend to brush it off bcoz I thought I couldn't convey it well enough and the others will not understand what I am talking. And so, I naturally dun like to communicate much with most NIE ppl (I know I should open up) nor talk during discussion activity in class.
Last Tuesday, such issue strikes me hard that I couldn't withhold my tears in front of my prof. My prof was actually a nice, inspiring and of course, articulate person. I am really inspired by her words about being a FCS teacher. I want to be like her, to be a motivating teacher to students. But I know I need a long time to do so. She will drill us (btw there are only 2 students including me) hard during lesson, wanting us to come up with ideas and stuff. That day, my friend was sick and so we had our 1-1 tuition (again). Although it would be nice to have prof for myself, I feel pressurized becoz I do not know how to present my ideas in proper English. But I know I need to try. At a point of time when my teacher was getting too "excited" that it seemed to scold me, I couldn't withold and started to tear.
My prof was shocked but after that she attempted to talk to me. Although after that things seem to return back to normal after I shared with her my stress that I was experiencing that causing that, I knew this is not the main reason.
I know I got to try, harder, till I overcome this completely.
Thoughts #2
It has been a great 9 months in a relationship, feeling constanly loved by him and loving him back =) Things become a little different, and the things I do tend to change to a certain extent too. Based on other experiences, I had been telling myself that I should learn how to balance between relationship, friendship and kinship. I used to be a very "friend" friend person (exp again) as I always hang out with friends and would always be nagged by my parents for coming back home late.
Now, even though I am not meeting my friends as frequently, I would try to keep in constant contact with friends and show little care to them (and that's why I would want to go for ytd's GISFestival to support my friends :)) Also, I begin to care more for my family by communicating them more (after I realise that I took family for granted most of the time as I tend to think that they will always be there for me).
However, as things are getting busier, it had been more difficult for me to find the suitable period of time alone to think about things (people, dogs @ ALL) which i neglect unintentionally. Nevertheless, I would find even the slightest time (like now) to do so bcoz I believe this will make me return to relationships and look at things in a more positive mindset, feeling refreshed =)
As the 2nd part of the semester continues, I would continue to remain optimistic and look things in different perspectives. I would not only just work hard blindly (my usual style), but to also work smart =) Hopefully, positive results can be seen=))
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