Life is not just about the race

Just want to pen down this to remember how happy I feel today:) I used to be super scared, and would 露出 my nervousness when talking in front of so many people. Surprsingly, I found myself pretty collected and my heart wasn't thumping fast when conducting lessons with 5 classes of students (and with other teachers around) this morning! I still feel quite unbelievable that I did it, but have a great sense of satisfaction somehow:) Perhaps, this means that I have stepped out of my comfort zone? Or is it just nice that I was comfortable talking to this group of students? Or it because of the yoga which I did ytd night at home which make me feel collected for this morning lecture? Whatever it is, I hope I did 'level up' instead of 'tyco' haha. 再接再厉，  moOn!:)💪

I don't know what got over me that I felt pretty negative these few days. Many things happened consecutively, and I am overwhlemed and discouraged. No one can really understand the internal struggle, including myself too. What am I good in? I am jack in all trades, but master of none. I have been trying to find my own 'identity' and when I thought I did, I actually didnt. I feel lousy not being proficient in any specific area. I honestly think that way. What am I good in? Can I be tougher than this?

2014 年毕业至今, 工作了几乎两年半。 虽然别人以为自己是中学/ JC/大学生， 可是自己知道已经老了, in mid- twenties。  Facebook 一直都会 share一些 posts, 例如: Things to do in twenties, Things to maintain healthy relationship etc. etc. 自己看看而已， 但也会想我有做到这些吗。  时不时会突然觉得自己的生活没有充足感。 虽然亲情， 友情，爱情 , 工作样样有, 但是总是觉得少了些什么。 身为家人的女儿 & 妹妹, 我觉得我对家人多了些关心，会特地 organise dinner on special occasions. 我感到满意， 但觉得我可以做更多，尤其是帮妈妈。要帮忙做家务，总是力不从心 =X  身为朋友的朋友,  我觉得对他们的关心不必以前多， 有时感觉有点愧疚。有试着去多和他们一起说说话，吃一顿简单的晚餐。希望他们过得很好。 身为女朋友, 有时觉得做的不称职。在一起4年多，不知道是因为更了解对方， 更爱对方，所以会想要他尝试改变更好。听到妈妈说原来表姐们都有对象， 其中一个甚至在申请屋子，我替他们感到高兴。 但是， 又听到妈妈所如果他们拿到房子， 其他人， 尤其是爸爸会对我碎碎念， 我心里感到不舒服。 拿房子觉得有点 scary，要等4－5 年， 所以要早申请，但是因为这样所以快快了事，然后 propose， 我心里有点不舒服。我总觉得 'it's not the right natural way'，可是不这么做以后要等很久，甚至还需要花更多钱。 工作方面 , 总觉得自己 understretch。 但是以学校的 culture & pattern, 如果 heads 知道了, 就有很多 shit 飞过来。我怀念在 HIHS 的 practicum , 虽然很challenging， 可是生活过得非常充实。我, 想要勇敢一点单飞 xD  我的人生还在调整, 但很庆幸自己时不时 auto 做一下 person...

也许， 太多的二人空间，失去了享受自己的自由空间。 从新调整要求， 珍惜自己的自由空间。

当自己的生命剩下不多，自己会做些什么？ 听到二姑时日不多的消息， 心里好难受。通常会在电视连续剧听到的，我亲耳从我堂姐听到。动两次的大手术， 对抗病魔多年， 还是没法打败它。我们都好不甘。  我多看二姑几眼， 好几次握她的手，叫她好好休息。 爸爸也是安慰二姑，叫她不要想太多， 现在是靠她的意志力打倒病魔。 真希望奇迹会出现。二姑， 加油！

昨天是 ah ma 的忌日。 不知不觉， 九年了。回想当年, 当 ah ma 走了的那一天凌晨，当我必须去 "O" 水准华文考试的那一天早上。 而昨天,  妈妈跟我诉说小叔卖掉现在住的房子。我的心里感到不舒服。 这是ah ma 往生之前住的地方，是我和其他亲戚朋友新年聚在一起的地方 -意义非凡， 对我印象很深刻。没了它，感觉好不舍。 以后， 就再也不会听到 爸爸说： “。。。我们上去 215”。 。

等一个人，晚餐.                           好久没有和最要好的朋友吃饭聊天。能可以一起吃饭， 真的很开心 :)

Life becomes more meaningful if you live in the moment and enjoy the little things you do:)  It feels great bringing my family together, and seeing them making effort to create all these precious memories together :)) Feeling kind of sentimental, but I will not regret if I were to die tomorrow xD HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2nd bro!:D

忍, 因为别无选择 忍, 因为相信情况会比较好 忍, 因为要大事化小 忍, 因为不要计较 忍, 因为要惜福 但是,可以不忍了吗？

像许多人一样， 我不知不觉的投入了这首歌。我, 流泪了。 看了那部电影， 我有被感动, 但是总觉得里头带有不切实际。我总觉得那些年的电影比较贴切, 能够"感同身受" 。但是，当我在重复那首歌，我回想我的学生经历， 想想有哪个像"徐太宇"。也许，我当时的现实生活中没有"徐太宇"。 但是，庆幸在中学的时候有十二颗小幸运。每颗小幸运现在仍然在我的生活旅途中给予我不同的支持及鼓励。:) 真想回到过去， 回到我们相同的从前。 如果回到从前, 我们..会做不同的决定吗？

He is not the guy who sweet-talk girls. He is not the guy who purposely does things to impress girls. He is not the guy who follows and do what typical guys (today) will do. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ He is the guy who does the most simplest thing to move me. He is the guy who does the most unexpected to surprise me. He is the guy who makes me more appreciative of the little actions and things in life. Thank you for the 45 months of love and care, and many more!=') And I love you, just the way you are

人之初, 心本善. I believe that every human is kind by nature, but the environment and personal experiences have changed the way how humans actually show their acts of kindness. Gradually, humans will start to influence other humans, and the acts of kindness become more invisible. It's pretty sad to see such situation looming in society as our country begins to progress and prosper. I always have the belief of kindness begets kindness, and that kindness can be passed on like ripples. Since young, my parents will say that I am "kaypoh", always do a lot of other things for people. To me, I couldn't understand why they say so sometimes, and I helped because I find meaning in helping, and should help. Back as a student, when I helped my friends and teachers, I am praised as being helpful. But now as an adult, when I helped out my colleagues, there isn't much form of sincere appreciation from some people. Some people do say "thank you", but I can sense that i...

I have been thinking a little more about life and death recently as I have been receiving news every now and then about the passing of some of my friends' grandparents. Death- once a far topic for me to even start thinking about, has become one of the most recent topic that have been running through my mind recently. I know that every human, everyone of us will face death one day. To say the truth, I am scared of death, and I do not know what I will do if death is nearing me. If flight cannot be the option at the moment, my fighting mechanism, perhaps, will take over until my final breath. Or, I will just accept the fact, and cherish the final moments with my loved ones. Few days back after I went back home after going to Brenda's ah gong's wake, I took extra glances at my mum who was sleeping soundly. At that moment, I just realized that I have taken her for granted most of the time, and I couldn't imagine how life would be without her around. This made me cherish...

Not much exercise recently, and feeling a little more "nua" than usual.  The ulcer at my throat accompanied some chest and neck pain have made me realised how negligent I am in taking care of myself.  Eating spicy and "heaty" food and falling asleep in an inappropriate position and, with a flat pillow while recovering- Hope these are just the only reasons for the above symptoms. Time to really heed my dad's advice to take care of my health..Oops:X

The General Election has been over for a week plus, and everyone is back to their normal everyday lives. Nevertheless, there are still news about the aftermath of GE results, and how the respective MPs are doing for the residents in their wards. I have been particularly paying attention on GE and its aftermath, probably because of the many things happening this year, from Golden Jubilee SG50 to passing of Mr Lee. I was glad that 8.1 was also interested about GE, and our wadsapp was flooded with so many GE updates, sgag and discussion hahaha. The result of the GE was "pleasantly" surprised to some and "unpleasantly" stunned to others. Some are complaining about too little opposition parties members in the parliament, and are cynical that no one will be the opposite voices for them. Despite all these, I strongly feel that since Singaporeans have made these choices, and the GE result is announced, we should not speculate too much negatively about what will happen ...

People are not totally wrong in their perspectives, but they are also not absolutely right at the same time. I have watched, and mainly heard news about election rallies and some "fiery" disagreement regarding different issues between the previous Government and the opposition parties. I dare not say that whoever said is totally right, but it is a matter of perspectives-taking and how far-sighted you will see these things. However, what I hold strongly is, don't disagree for the sake of disagreeing. They should be of logic and of substance. Personally, I felt that I have been myopic in my thoughts. As an officially 24-year-old Singaporean, I feel that I should think deeper and widen my perspectives about making my country a better place to live in. Look at the big picture in the long run, be decisive with minimal procrastination. During this election rally, I miss Mr Lee's presence- His strong sense of confidence and words of wisdom. I hope that someone out ther...

Am grateful for my friends and family who have wished me and celebrated birthday for me: I have been busy recently, with so many activities lining up for the week. Some thoughts come and go, and I wish I have a proper me time to think about things. It is at this moment, that I really appreciate to have my own free time to laze around at home, thinking and stoning, and oh yes, to follow and listen to rallies too! Hahaha. One year older, one year wiser? I hope and believe so:) Thank you mummy for bringing me to this world:))

It has been over a year in this school, and I have many wavering thoughts once in awhile when days get abit too extreme..either too crazy or too chill.  There is a love-hate relationship between me and this school, I really like the "chill" teaching environment, yet I find it not as "challenging" and I appear to be too insignificant as compared to other teachers. In contrast to this school, teaching life in HIHS was an exciting journey, filled with laughter, anger, disappointment and faith. Although the students were more difficult to handle, I felt that I am more "alive" although I am physically and mentally strained. Yet, the rewarding outcome was a better TSR and genuine appreciation from these students. On the other hand, teaching in the current school is like "day-by-day" passing although I have attempted to make lessons more interesting and engaging.  Due to the subject that I am teaching, I seem to appear insignificant, and oh man...

The jubilee weekend came and spinned off like a wind. There was so many things happened, and my  feelings were like taking a roller coaster ride. It has been 2 days. I hope SJ and her mum are coping well. Time will heal the pain, perhaps not today, perhaps not tomorrow. But one day, the intensity will be lesser. Stay strong and jiayou SJ and SJ's mum.

Everything seems to begin well with the new month:) It all started off with a well-rested half day at home before the staycation with my 8.1, then lunch with CL and his family, and ending the weekend with awesome LKY musical. Watching the LKY musical was like attending a live history lesson. Provocative, intriguing and making my feeling undergo some mini roller coaster ride. It's really interesting  how Mr Lee's life story has captivated  me so much, so so much. I was being pulled in to feel what Mr Lee had felt during the different moments of his life, and felt especially emotional during certain moments too:') The musical is not the best, has not portrayed more in-depth stories about Mr & Mrs Lee's life story, the actors might not have so called good "chemistry" however, I feel that Singaporeans will feel somehow connected and feel that sense of belonging at that moment. Mr Lee might not be who he had been, if not for his experiences during those da...